Whether this is your first or third divorce, it’s vital to remember that no two divorces are alike, just like snowflakes. 

Let’s pretend this is your first time divorcing. Perhaps you believe you understand divorce because you’ve seen your parents go through it or because your best friend recently divorced. We’ll inform you that no matter how much you think you know about divorce, it’s full of surprises. Some are excellent, some are bad, and some are neutral.

We advise that you familiarize yourself with the legislation so you know what to expect, and then prepare for the unexpected. We’re not talking about your seemingly pleasant spouse surprising you by saying you have a drug problem and demanding sole physical custody of your children, though it has happened in the past. We’re making a broad generalization here, implying that the divorce process may go a different path than you anticipated. Here below, we discuss some of the odd things that happen during divorce that never occurred to our clients.

1. Perhaps You Didn’t Break Down and Cry About It – At the very least, not over the loss of your marriage. Perhaps you cried not because you split up with your husband, but because you have to deal with child custody issues or the prospect of selling the home you adore. But you’re crying about the end of your marriage? Perhaps you didn’t drop a single tear. Maybe you don’t feel anything at all. Perhaps you’re even ecstatic that you’re finally free of the shackles that confine you. Perhaps you wept more over your high school breakup than you did over your 20-year marriage. Is this a sign that you’re a bad person? No, maybe it’s just a sign that you’re on the right track and that this divorce is actually for the best.
2. You Were Surprised that You Felt Some Level of Shame – It’s not unusual if you went from publicly complaining about your spouse to close friends or family and now that you’ve chosen to divorce, you suddenly feel embarrassed or ashamed. For starters, you have nothing to be embarrassed about! It’s absolutely fine if you went from being a social butterfly to a wallflower who doesn’t want to talk about your divorce with most people.

It can be awkward to discuss your divorce with everyone from your neighbor to your coworkers to the individuals you work out with every day at the gym, and you are under no duty to do so.

1. You’re Immediately Ready to Date – “What?” some of you may be thinking as you read this. I have no desire to date, not now, not ever, and certainly not for a long time.” Then some of you will be thinking things like, “I’m so excited to date, I can’t wait to touch someone new.” You’re not alone if you fall into the latter category and are checking your Tinder account as you read this post. Believe us when we say that if you’ve ever been in a loveless marriage or one that lacked physical intimacy and connection, you’re not alone.

You are permitted to date during your divorce in California because it is a no-fault state. You must, however, exercise caution. We don’t advocate changing your Facebook status from “married” to “single” until you’ve been single for a while. You shouldn’t erase all of your spouse’s photos from your Facebook and Instagram accounts until your divorce is finalized.

Also, be wary about squandering marital funds on a new lover. You don’t want to take a love partner on vacation while your divorce is ongoing, nor do you want to spend a lot of money on them. Contact an attorney from Spodek Law Group if you have any questions about dating during a divorce. We can answer all of your questions so you don’t make a mistake that will come back to bite you later on.

1. The Children are Totally Supportive of Your Divorce – You’ve probably heard all the terrible stories of youngsters dealing with their parents’ divorce. Perhaps you waited years because you were afraid of how your children would respond, and you didn’t want the divorce to destroy them.

So, what’s this? Sometimes, children are completely supportive of their parents’ divorce. Children can be enraged with their parents for not divorcing sooner. If your children had previously urged or even begged you to divorce, you might be astonished to learn that they will be happier if you and your husband decide to call it quits.

1. You Discover You’ve Been Married to a Stranger – If you’ve discovered new things about your spouse while filing for divorce, you may feel as if you were married to a stranger or that your marriage was a sham — this happens all the time.

You are not alone if you discovered that your spouse was cheating on you, that they had hidden emails, a secret cellphone, that they were hiding money, that they had a pornography addiction, or that they were going to hookup sites. If you’ve come across such information, we’re sorry you’re going through it, but the good news is that it should help you decide whether or not divorce is the best option.

We hope you found this article to be informative. Contact the offices of Spodek Law Group for a free case examination if you need divorce representation.